


Small Blue Pills

by Fellow_Human_Being



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, but slightly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 16:25:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15666909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fellow_Human_Being/pseuds/Fellow_Human_Being
Summary: Lance really wanted to avoid the truth, avoid being the one to tell the truth. By trying to avoid it, he only just led himself having to reveal it to Hunk.Of course, the universe never seems to care about the fact that he was already having a hard time telling the truth to just Hunk.





	Small Blue Pills

“Maybe it would help if we asked the others.”

Lance felt his heart stopped, the fears that were forgotten were quick to peak up. He knew he shouldn’t had asked help from Coran, knew the chances of someone else knowing were bigger than he liked. He just forgot and was caught up in the moment, hope and relief spread as soon as Coran started making tons of guesses and using all sorts of medical terms of what could be used to replicate the now couple of pill in the orange plastic bottle, the very same hope and relief made him careless and ignorant about the possibilities. Of course the few pills aren’t going to just multiple, of course it won’t happen without the truth.

“Pidge and Hunk seem super informative with computers and engineering, maybe they can also give just the perfect amount of information that I need to create the substitutes for these… what was the terms you called these pills?”

Coran didn’t notice the break in his voice that held a trace of panic as Lance heavily said antidepressants, humming as he write down the name in a small notebook. At least Lance was able to say the names truthfully, though it was more of not thinking of another name than wanting to get closer to the truth. “And you say these are what helps you calm yourself and collect your thoughts, right? You humans are really fascinating, to think your race created some sort of enhancement that ensure better thinking!” 

Lance didn’t like the way his lies bit him back, the way it makes his heart race and knees weak. 

“I’ll ask Pidge and Hunk about it tomorrow during breakfast,” Coran closed the notebook, giving Lance a bright smile. Lance felt sick as he forced himself to smile just as brightly. “For now, why don’t we get some sleep? I believe Shiro was the one who told Allura and I that humans need eight hours of sleep on average, if you sleep now then you’ll get at least the needed five of those eight hours.”

“Yeah,” Lance laughed a bit too loudly. The laugh sound way too fake in Lance’s opinion, but Coran doesn’t notice. No one does. “But you don’t have to ask them, I can talk to them before breakfast and have them give me the information so I can give you anything they have to say before breakfast.”

At the very least, let Lance be the one to break the news. He can only hope the universe can let him do that, it owns him at least that much after tearing him away the comfort of his family.

Coran raised an eyebrow, his fingers twirling his mustache. “Is that so? Well, I guess the sooner the better.” 

Lance gave Coran a smile, giving him a quick hug before saying his thanks and tried his best to not run out of the room.

_ ‘Why the fuck did I say anything about it?’   _ He knew why, he knew that he was running dangerously low on antidepressants and those were the only way to cancel the dark thoughts.  _ They don’t even cancel the dark thoughts, don’t work as effectively. _ To at least free him from being trap in the thousands of insecurities, to save him from doing something regrettable  **_again_ ** .  _ ‘You could had found a better way to do this, a better plan or substitute for them!’ _

But he couldn’t, he already spent the last three weeks on going through the space malls or planets pharmacy to find something to substitute it without accidentally killing himself. He spent too many hours awake with trying to create plans of asking for help without telling the truth. This was the only thing he could think of. Next to coming clean of course, but he really didn’t want to go through that option unless he had to. 

And right now he had to.

Lance didn’t go to his room, instead he stand in front of Hunk’s room and lightly knock. There was no answer.  _ ‘Maybe he can convinced Coran that he changed his mind? That the ‘enhancements’ weren’t that important.’ _

No, Lance have only about eight blue pills left. If he has any hope of having any of the sane mind he has at the moment, he needs another bottle of them soon.

He knocks slightly louder, holding his breath, he waited for a minute.  _ ‘Come on, you can do this. Just one loud knock and you can get over with it.’ _

Lance inhale deeply, raising fist and gave one loud-”Lance?”

Turning as fast as possible, Lance have to lean on the door to support himself. Blinking a couple of times, he took in the sight of Pidge. A Pidge with ridiculous bed hair. 

“Lance, why in the world are you knocking Hunk’s door?” Oh fuck, this isn’t what Lance prepared himself for. He wanted to talk to Hunk, wanted to ask help from his childhood friend. He didn’t want to lie to Pidge or talk to them about the ugly truth, he didn’t want to share the secret that scarred his mind and flesh to anyone unless he told Hunk first. “Are you alright?”

Attempting to force himself to not focus on how much of  _ in utter failure he is _ , Lance watched as Pidge’s eyes grew wide and how they hesitantly took a step forward.

“I screw up.” Lance croaked, throat tight and tears now burning his eyes. Pidge took another step. “Dios Mio, I screw up so badly.” 

_ Why is he such a fuck up? _

And he fell apart. The tears that he held back came in like waterfalls, a never ending flow, and his knees finally gave out as he tried to focus on not making too much of a sound as he broke down. As he cried, he felt two arms wrapping around his. He welcomed the warmth and comfort, but he knew that he didn’t deserve it. He screwed up too badly to deserve anything.

“Pidge? Lance?”  _ Oh fuck, yeah let’s just not give him a break and show just how much he screw up. _

Hunk look at them, concern at seeing his best friend crying and being hugged by a panicking Pidge. Even if still in a half-awake state, he was quick to hug his friends and offer words of comfort, asking what was wrong as he did so.

After what seemed like a lifetime of crying and panicking, Lance pulled away from them and shook his head as they tried to pull him back to the hug. Ignoring the voice of concern or their questions, he slowly drew his right hand into his jacket. Inhale, exhale. 

Lance pulled out a orange bottle of a few of blue pills, holding it between him and his friends. He focus on the bottle, trying to still his shaking hand and hold a blank face. 

Pidge and Hunk glance each other, concern in their eyes, before they both look at the bottle. Eyes widen, they look up at Lance.

As they stared at him, Lance inhale deeply and forced himself to speak. To explain himself, to ask for the help that he needs, to apologize for keeping the truth away for so long, to say anything. But instead of doing that, Lance spoke his thoughts about the situation out loud for the first time.

“I fucking hate this.”

**Author's Note:**

> Had this story somewhat done awhile ago, so I decided to finally revise and post it.


End file.
